pradar:

is ur name wifi because i’m feeling the connection

galehawthorne:

galehawthorne:

i jUST WANT TO BE LIKED

I SPELLED BEVERAGE WRONG

shoutout to my parents for not supervising what i do on the internet ever

darrynek:

hello 911 yes i’d like to report a murder

this bitch killed my vibe

meladoodle:

australiansanta:

australiansanta:

what type of rock is a really good friend

an opal

rocks will be your only friends if you ever use this joke

romulusthread:

MY MATH TEACHER SAW ME TEXTING AND MADE ME STAND IN FRONT OF THE ROOM AND HE TOLD ME TO READ THE TEXTS BUT I WOULNT SO HE TOOK MY PHONE AND READ THE LAST THREE ON THERE OUT LOUD AND THE FIRST ONE WAS “IM HUNGRY” AND MY FRIEND REPLIED WITH “HUNGRY FOR SEMEN” AND I SAID “TRUE THOUGH” IMGONNA JUMP OFF A BUILDING

deucebowl:

How the FUCK am I supposed to have a good day when 28% of Americans aren’t getting enough fiber?

milhousecest:

i fucking hate you kathy lee

sassy-spoon:

nerdbird:

Google is definitely a woman, it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence.

That must mean Bing is a man, tries to convince people it’s superior and does a horrible job with pleasing its user.

tigerrcat:

tai-kwon-joe:

Sometimes, the adolescent elephant will throw itself upon the ground as a sign of extreme emotional distress, commonly known as a “tantrum.”

i am an adolescent elephant

how to give an awful handjob

listinthings:

• be unaware of where the penis is
• scream into the penis
• use the back of your hand
• slap the penis and call it “buddy”
• condescend to the penis
• set your hand on fire

slenclerman:

slenclerman:

what do you call a really smart gay person

a homogenius